What’s Happening to Me?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have decided to post this on psych central instead of Yahoo answers, haha, I will hopefully get a more professional answer.

I’ve always had anxiety issues and been prone to depression, but it’s worsened over the last years. I have symptoms that may lead to a disorder of some type, but I’m not sure what, I was wondering if a Therepist here could give me a little answer…

Here:
*I have moods swings, I know most teenagers do, but Oh well.
*I get hyper for weeks at a time, but then something little triggers me, and I’m down and depressed for days to weeks.
*When i’m hyper I can’t stop talking around my friends, I laugh at everything, I repeat myself and do stupid things, I have huge ideas and want to do things for an adreneline rush.
*I often feel worthless
*Self Harm
*When I’m not around my friends at school, I can’t talk. I choke up, can’t breathe, hunch my shoulders, when I’m called on in class I freeze up and can barely whisper.
*I worry about things that most others wouldn’t, like planes crashing into my house, my family dying or getting sick, People from the government taking my parents away, I just worry about everything, and I can’t control these fears.
*5 suicide attempts, still here, great.
*I feel like life isn’t worth living half the time, but when I’m high I feel on top of the world.
*When I’m down I have sleeping problems, I am so tired, but I can’t sleep
*But when I’m tired, I buzz all night and don’t sleep, or only have about 3 hours sleep.
*I starve myself, and at dinner times when my parents are there I eat, but throw it up afterwards.
*I see my self as ugly, fat, worthless, retarded, and I carve these into myself with blades.
*Other times I see myself as a different person,.
* (This may sound insane, but whatever) I have voices, in my head, I probably sound insane, but I have, good bad and neutral voices, they argue, I often cover my ears and cringe to try and get them to go away, bad always wins though. The voices tell me to drink the poison in the bathroom, cut my veins, drown myself and so on. My mentor got worried because I said 4 out of 5 of the time I want to let the voices win and take over.
*I have really bad self-image. Well, I self-hate. People say I’m skinny, I can’t see it. I see fat, ugly, horrible. But then I have weeks that i see myself with confidence, it’s really, really weird. But When i’m not like that I worry about whether others think I’m fat, ugly, ect. I worry that even my close friends and family hate on me. I feel terrible, but my mind is set to not trust anyone, and worry. [I said some of that before oops]
*I was bullied badly through out my life. I can’t learn to trust anyone.

I’ve recently started seeing a psychologist, and i have an appointment with a mental health service next month, but hopefully you could answer this, so I can have an idea what’s going on.

Thanks :)

A: I’m so very sorry that you are dealing with so much so young. What is going on is what you already know is going on: You have some serious issues that you can’t handle on your own, especially at only 14. Please take this letter to your psychologist. It will jumpstart your therapy.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 May 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). What’s Happening to Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/05/14/whats-happening-to-me/