I Can’t Forget or Forgive

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years and we have a 4 month old together and I also have a child by my high school sweetheart. My present boyfriend and whom I hope to marry has lied to me about talking to other women in the past and what they talked about. He said he has told the truth but I still don’t believe him fully. I also feel that there were a few instances when a female would offer herself to him and he should have stopped her right there and corrected her in my honor. For instance:
girl: come hang out when your girlfriend goes to sleep
boyfriend: I cant I have to get up for work in the morning

He says he doesn’t want to start any problems with anyone but he doesn’t realize how much this effects me considering he has already lied before. He also expects me to work full time and do all the housework and take care of the kids with minimal help. And the only way he will help me is if I pretty much beg. Then when he does “help” he does the job half way so I might as well have just done it right the first time. He was spoiled growing up and still is and I don’t know if that has anything to do with it but I don’t know what else to do!! I’ve gone from talking to him about it to screaming at him. Nothing helps and he won’t take any of the advice I give him to avoid these bad situations.
I find myself hating him at this point I think? I don’t know what else to do!

A: It sounds like a very difficult thing to cope with. At the root of the issue it seems like you are not feeling supported and honored. These are two important elements that you need to have in order to feel better. Both are likely to happen in therapy.

I would use the “Find Help” tab at the top of the page to look for people in your area that you can begin talking to. If money or insurance are a problem I recommend checking out your local women’s center or community hospital. They often have therapy services available for little or no cost.

When our primary people are not there for us it is very depleting. A therapist can offer support and help you sort through your options in dealing with your current boyfriend. Without this feeling of support confronting him, trying to manage change may be difficult. Our video series on relationships might be helpful. Check out this one.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 1 May 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). I Can’t Forget or Forgive. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/05/01/i-can%e2%80%99t-forget-or-forgive/