Husband Cheated

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Me and my now husband started our relationship at the end of February 2010, and got married mid-april 2011.. Its a different marriage as he lives in Portsmouth due to work commitments and I am moving down to Portsmouth to be with him in September when I turn 18 (he is 19)
In January he stopped calling and texting me, I didn’t hear from him for three/four days until he called and even then he didn’t tell me what was wrong.

I later learned that a girl he worked with had kissed him and he wasn’t sure whether he liked her or not. He was unsure whether to finish our relationship as she lives in Portsmouth but he has told me that he sees her as more of a sister, even though she likes him he won’t continue a relationship with her.

He still isn’t treating me like he used to, he hardly texts me – I’m lucky if I get a text a day from him. He hasn’t called me for nearly a week and I’m getting desperate to talk to him.

I am going to Portsmouth soon to see him and sort everything out, but I’m worried that he won’t even meet up with him, I text him telling him all of these thoughts but he ignores them.

I’ve been so suicidal since all of this started and I haven’t told anyone, I have told my husband I’ve taken overdoses but he doesn’t react. I’m still suicidal and I’m scared that we’re never going to get back to how we used to be, because he was my best friend too.

I don’t know how to get him to think about me moving in September or how to tell him to meet up with me soon.. I’m scared he won’t listen to me..

Help?

A: I am very glad you are writing us here about your situation. I appreciate what a difficult time this is, and yet the part of you that has reached out must believe there is a way through this. Let’s see if we can sort it through.

The first thing is to find someone to talk to right away about all of this. You can talk to your physician about the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts. In fact, if the thoughts seem persistent I would simply go to your local hospital and tell them. They are able to help you find someone to talk to who is qualified. But the most important thing here is to not keep these feelings to yourself. Find someone to talk to as quickly as you can. Preferably a therapist, but a good friend, someone from the church, or a former teacher, or the women’s center in your area would all be good choices. This is important because talking about these things with people who know how to hear you can really help.

Second, once you have found someone to talk to enlist their help in deciding what to do about dealing with your husband. The important thing is not to act without support. It is the feelings of isolation that eclipse our well-being. Be sure to talk to someone sooner rather than later.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Apr 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Husband Cheated. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/04/26/husband-cheated/