My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. I knowingly went into this relationship knowing he has done cocaine once to try it and his friends are all into it. I told him at the beginning of our relationship that if he ever did coke again I would break up with him in a heartbeat. Throughout the two years I have asked him if he had done it once in a blue moon to check up on him. He always said no. I never doubted him. Now today I find out by word of mouth that he did it when we’ve been dating. I called him up and he denied it fully until I gave in details of the situation. Eventually he gave in and told me from the two years we’ve been together hes done it 4 times. I don’t know what to do! He has a history of lying to me about other things and I always forgive him for them. I just don’t want this time to be another “oh she’ll forgive me” If I do. and I sure in heck dont want him to think he can keep doing it! I don’t know what angle to go at with him to see im dead serious and he needs to change or if I should even consider giving him yet another second chance!
A: You told him you’d leave him in a heartbeat. He doesn’t think you mean it. I think you should. How does anyone know when a liar is telling the truth? Is it really four times? The fact is that he hangs out with users. Chances are he isn’t sitting there watching his friends get high. He’s lied to you about other things. Forgiving him as much as you do only shows him that you tolerate lying in general and probably will tolerate the lies about drug use too.
You’re only 18. Give up on the liar and find someone who respects you – and himself – enough to stay away from illegal drugs and to be honest. From what you’ve written, he’s going nowhere. You deserve better.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Apr 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Boyfriend Lies About Drug Use. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 12, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/04/19/boyfriend-lies-about-drug-use/