Inequality in Love

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and just recently we have come to terms that we both want different things. I want to have a future with him and I am fully commited. He wants to focus on himself and can’t commit right now. He told me that he does not love me as much as I love him. Now he is acting like everything is fine and talking to me as if we are friends. What do I do? I love him and I want him to want me. I am afraid to lose him but it hurts knowing he doesn’t love me the same way.

A: I’m sorry. You’ve already “lost” him as a partner. As the Bonnie Raitt song says, you can’t make someone love you. What you have to decide is if you can accept him as a friend. If that’s too hard for you — and it may be that it is — then the best thing to do is to take a break until you can adjust your feelings.

You do need to open yourself up to new relationships. You can’t do that if you are still holding onto the hope that this guy will change his mind. You deserve to find someone who will commit to you because he truly, genuinely loves you, not because you are applying pressure.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Mar 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Inequality in Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/03/03/inequality-in-love/