Insecure in my Relationship

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I don’t let my fiance talk to any other women . I’m not allowed to talk to other men either . but i’m a lot worse then him . i am always scared hes attracted to other women . thinks there pretty , cute etc . or even if he just checks them out while we’re at the store or something. hes not allowed to watch movies with women in them unless i’m with him . and i get jealous even if he says my best friends name. men are suppose to find other women attractive and they can’t help it and that drives me insane. i would rather kill myself then let him think someone else is pretty . i think he’d be better off with anyone else because i act like this, we’ve been together since we were 12 . hes all i’ve ever had. i’m 16 now and i know i need conseling but i’m a minor and don’t have parents to get me into it. i’m never afraid of him cheating on me or leaving me because i know he’d never do that he loves me . but i wish he’d never seen another women naked . it hurts me so bad to know he’s seen other women and might find them attractive . and i know this has a lot to do with my self esteem and i’d really like to learn to love myself. i don’t want this to hurt our relationship .i’m crying just typing this it just breaks my heart. i really only want him to love me. only to think i’m beautiful . and i wish he’d never seen any other attractive woman.

A. You’re right. The problem isn’t that your boyfriend has seen other attractive women. The problem is that you don’t feel good enough about yourself. Although your head tells you that what’s important is who he loves, your insecurities tell you that he’s going to leave you any minute. This is not, not, not healthy for your relationship. In fact, your jealousy – and his – will probably result in the relationship ending. At some point, one of you is going to get sick of being controlled by the other.

You’re also right that you need counseling. Your school counselor, the school nurse, your pastor or rabbi, or your doctor can help you find one. There are often programs that offer free therapy to teens. In the meantime, if you need to talk to someone, please call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline. Counselors are there 24/7 to talk to teens who are in distress. Their number is: 800-448-3000.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Feb 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Insecure in my Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/02/28/insecure-in-my-relationship/