I have 2 boys from a previous relationship. My husband and I now have a child together. My husband finds fault with my to older boys all the time. Nitpicks every little thing,wants them to jump when he wants things done,feels they dont do enough around the house,should suffer or be punished more for their grades and pouts if they dont want to do things when he thinks they should. For example asking my oldest to play basketball and my son says no thanks Im tired.So, my husband says to him well if youre that tired then you dont need to play your xbox and then takes our xbox and hides it.He complains to me,his famly,my mom and people he works with. The people he work with say he treats co workers better than his family. He makes hurtful little comments . for example when the boys come home from their dads they smell..My husband says to our 4 year old “oh thats the usuall wed. and sun. smell”.My children shouldnt have to worry about every little thing they do. this should be the time they enjoy their life!! Im worn out…Stressed out…I love my boys….I love my husband….but the constant walking around trying to make sure everything is gonna be ok…dealling with it when it isnt…and being at school wondering if they r ok together…getting home getting attacked at night by my husband telling me what they did wrong. during the day being told what my husband did wrong. Im about to lose what sanity i have left! I dont even know how it feels to be happy – feel joy- look forward to anything. between no job-school-bills-lack of money-and my family i feel like giving up on my life! My boys are the only thing keeping me going!!!
A: The person who has growing up to do in your family is your husband. It’s as if he would like to erase the evidence that you were in a prior relationship. The little boys need a real man to model after, not a petulant child who wants you all to himself.
Your kids need you to stand up for them. They are trapped in a rejecting and hurtful situation. They are too young to take your husband on. They are much too young to leave. This situation needs to be fixed now or it’s only going to get worse for everyone.
Please, get yourself and your husband to a marriage and family therapist. Find out why he needs to put two little children down in order to feel good about himself. Reassure him that you do love him but he can’t keep belittling the children you love if he wants your love for him to continue and grow. Help your husband learn how to be a real father instead of a critical tyrant. Your kids deserve better. You deserve better. He deserves to learn to be a better man.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Feb 2012
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Husband Critical of Boys’ Father. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/02/18/husband-critical-of-boys-father/