He Doesn’t Talk to Me Anymore

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriend and me have been together a little under 3 years. I am 18 and he is 19 (almost 20). Lately I’ve been living with him and his family. We decided this because we never saw each other due to our job schedule.

It was going really well, until recently. Now he won’t even talk to me. He’s joked that he is addicted to his electronics, but it doesn’t seem to be such a silly topic. Whenever he isn’t on the computer, he’s on his phone; if he’s not on his phone, he’s playing his Xbox. This I can deal with, except for the fact that it almost seems he’s using his technology to avoid communication. I feel very lonely and almost always on the verge of crying.

We used to talk about starting a life together (marriage, getting our own place, children eventually, etc.) but now that we basically live together; I guess I’ve been pushing the situation (a friend of mine, his age, just recently got engaged to a someone she’s been with a shorter time than my boyfriend & I) so maybe I feel compelled to push for marriage for that reason.

But now, if I bring it up, he ignores me. If I try to talk to him, he ignores me. If I try to have a conversation with him, he ignores me.

I feel like I need to move back in with my parents, because we were better when we weren’t always together. But I’m afraid he won’t even care, and I want him so badly to care.

I love him and I know he loves me, that much is clear. I just don’t know how to deal with this, or what to do. Is it time for space? Or what?

A: It is frustrating when our love for someone goes unrequited. But your words are powerful: “But now, if I bring it up, he ignores me. If I try to talk to him, he ignores me. If I try to have a conversation with him, he ignores me.”

If you can’t get his attention now I doubt that you will get his attention when you are married. Take his lack of attention as an indication of his commitment. If he wanted to be connected he would make more of an effort.

Yes, it is time for space. Give yourself a chance to be loved by someone who can be there for you.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 9 Feb 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). He Doesn’t Talk to Me Anymore. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/02/09/he-doesnt-talk-to-me-anymore/