My Guy Lives in Another State

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I need advice on what I should do about a guy that lives in another state. We are in a very complicated situation.
I am 16 years old and in a situation I can’t figure out to do. I moved to Indiana this year, my junior year in high school. Among the fact of moving away from all my friends, starting at a new school where after about a semester and a half I haven’t made any really good friends, but my mom made me move away from my boyfriend that I am still in love with. We broke up of course long distance relationships are hard. But I still love him and he says he still loves me and he wants me to move back when I graduate and I want to. But the thing is he has a new girlfriend, he wants me to move there and leave my life and family but he’s not willing to come move here to be with me a year sooner. I recently went and visited and we had a great time and I am ashamed but he cheated on his girlfriend, so should I even trust him? He says he’s just with her to have somebody to keep around until he can have me again. I know I’ve probably made him sound like a terrible person but he is really one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever know and I’m not just saying that because I love him. So I just need some advice on should I still talk to him and go for being him again, or just stop talking to him and try to start a new life?

A: Stop talking to him and try to start a new life. As difficult as it sounds your own insight about your options is the very thing that needs to happen. There are too many unknowns here to put too much, if any, emphasis in a relationship. Stay in touch, lament, and keep the relationship as fluid and flexible as possible, but move on. Your age is a strong factor in your resilience in coping with this loss, and your recovery. I think this will be both difficult and liberating. I encourage you to write us back and let us know how it is going.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Feb 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). My Guy Lives in Another State. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/02/08/my-guy-lives-in-another-state/