Helpers Disagree on Ways to Help Me

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am currently in a program called Drug Court in VA. I have been in the program for almost 3 years. I have worked on very heavily the abandonment issues from my Father. I have come to a very comfortable point of acceptance, I feel like I know that if I dont put forth any effort, my Father will not either, and consequently our relationship will be non-existant, as it has for much of my life.

I have been asked to work more on this issue. I have been told I need to have concrete goals that I can show that I have achieved to move on from this program. I am MORE than ready to make this step to move on from Drug Court. What I am asking for, is assistance in concrete goals to work on my abandonment, resentment issues in relation to my Father.

I am seeing a counselor outside of drug court and she has me writing letters. One goal I had was to set a time each week to call my Father just to keep a connection. Drug Court felt like that was not good, and told me I need to work on new goals. I need help. Any suggestions on things I can do work on this that I can show in a concrete way?

A: Congratulations on all your good work. You’ve certainly taken your therapy seriously and done well.

It seems to me that your counselor and the Drug Court program need to get on the same page. It’s not helpful when helpers contradict each other. I suggest you ask your counselor to meet with you and whoever you are working with at Drug Court to set goals that all three of you feel are appropriate. Another option may be that you are ready for the Drug Court people to entrust you to your counselor.

The decision to terminate a program is often challenging. Good communication is the key. I’m glad you have a counselor to help you make the transition.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Feb 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Helpers Disagree on Ways to Help Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/02/05/helpers-disagree-on-ways-to-help-me/

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