He Left without Saying Goodbye

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m 31 and I’ve been seeing this guy since June, but it didn’t get really serious until end of November. He finally told me he loved me on New Years eve and how he never wants to lose me from his life, because I was the one person who cared about him and not what he could do for me. I’ve known he was going away to school since early November, and I’ve never made it an issue – trying to convince him to stay, etc. I know this is what he wants, and I had no intentions of trying to stop him from going.

The last two weeks leading up to him leaving we spent a lot more time together – sleep-overs, movies, dinners, etc. We’ve been very affectionate and saying things about the future. Two days before he was scheduled to leave, we made plans for him to spend the night and then he was going to spend his last day with me going to dinner and movies. The day he was supposed to come over to my house, he stops responding to my texts and wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I ended up going to his place to see what was going on and he promised he would come over to my house later that night. He never showed, but he promised that he would see me the next day. The next day he again won’t respond to my texts, answer my calls, and isn’t home for me to go over. He ended up leaving for school without seeing me or saying goodbye. And I don’t know if I’ll see him again. He was unsure if he’ll come back to this town after he’s graduated.

Why would he stop all contact and leave town without saying goodbye? I don’t understand… Please someone help me understand. Thank you.

A: Of course, I don’t know for sure why he repeatedly broke his promises and left without goodbyes. A reasonable guess might be that it was too hard for him to go through the parting so he avoided it. It may be that he wanted to stay but knew he had to go and was afraid that seeing you would make him want to give up school and his goals. It wasn’t the best way to handle the situation. It certainly wasn’t kind to you or dignified of him. But it may have been the best he could do.

It may be that a “summer romance” was what this was. If he still isn’t responding to your attempts to contact him, then you need to savor the memories and move on.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Jan 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). He Left without Saying Goodbye. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 31, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/28/he-left-without-saying-goodbye/