Psych Central

Boyfriend Cheated and Blames Me

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Ok, so I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. This year I gave up my job to move to be with him for six months, I won’t go into details but whilst I was there I went into his facebook account as I was having sneaky suspicions that he was contacting other girls and found evidence to prove my predictions right.

I was distraught of course and in finding this I confronted him with the evidence in hand. My boyfriend turned the conversation to focus on the fact that I had been going through his online accounts and then refused to listen to anything I said then walked out. It eventually petered out and I forgave him but he never fully apologized or gave me any explanations/reasoning of his behaviour. This has made it very difficult for me to emotionally move past it and obviously I now have major trust issues with him.

I know he loves me but it is getting so difficult dealing with this. I can’t talk to him about our problems, even if he is wrong, and he is even caught in the act he will not talk about it. How can I learn to communicate with him and make him see sense that he is wrong.

A: I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, and yet the truth is it is better that you are seeing this now than if you were married.

Your boyfriend seems to have a sense of entitlement that does not bode well for the relationship. The fact that he cannot own up to his wrongdoing and is focused on your behavior rather than trying to mend the relationship and take some responsibility means he either isn’t interested or isn’t ready to have a healthy relationship.

I suggest you have a meaningful discussion with him about the fact that his behavior was hurtful and that you need him to understand that. If he can, then the relationship may be worth pursuing. If he can’t it may be time to move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 28 Jan 2012

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2012). Boyfriend Cheated and Blames Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/28/boyfriend-cheated-and-blames-me/