Mom Is Taking Over My Life

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I know I may be young (16) but I am stessed out to the point that I want to run away or harm myself. I do not want to be with this boy, and actually broke up with him already. My mother has actually been texting him as me for our whole relationship. (Which is 10 months) And would NEVER let me text him. She also controls my facebook and texts other friends as me. She has had my phone since 8th grade, and continually texts my friends “for” me.

I never got as attached to this boy as I should have because I was never the one to text him. I debated weather or not to break up with him for at least a week and a half and asked her what she wanted me to do and she told me to do what felt right to me. So I broke up with him and ever since (its been a week and two days) she has been yelling and screaming at me. Calling me worthless, heartless and rude. She told me that she HATES me and that I disgust her and she wants nothing to do with me. She told me that I am a cold hard b***h, a c*** and a whole slew of other derogatory names. Then If I react she attacks me and hits me.

She will not even let me say almost anything about it. She likes to pit things against me. The reason I broke up with him was that he lied to me several times ( and I have really bad trust issues because of my past, and he knew that and I had told him NEVER lie to me, or you’ll lose me.) over drinking alcohol. Other than that I also had been getting annoyed with him a lot lately and he disrespected my mom and dad. So I broke up with him and now my life is hell. How should I handle this?

My mother before I broke up with said ex tried to get me together with a friend of her’s son……whom I began to like. She keeps saying I broke up with him because I saw the other guy and if was easy for me to just get him out of the way to be with the other guy and it is not true. I was done. I debated for almost two weeks to break up with this guy and also I was kind of rude to him (he lives in another state and my mom flew him down here for the three weeks at Christmas…..so he couldn’t just leave. Also this was the first Christmas for him without his mother, he had just lost her.) because I could not look at him the same. He hurt me deeply and so I was rude, and I apologized and he forgave me. She though has not and she keeps saying he lied because he knew how you were with alcohol and so he hid it from you and lied! (I have told him if he started drinking again just to tell me, don’t lie because if he did just tell me it would be easier than if he lied to me…) And I keep saying that I told him just to tell me and she flies into a rage again. She is close to almost forcing me to be with him, by texting him that “I” am sorry and want to make up. I DO NOT want to be with him because she has made me almost resent him.

I am so stressed that I have lost 20 lbs (I am usually 155lb at 5’2″ but I am now weighing 95-94 lbs. ) and making myself ill. I cannot seem to eat I am so stressed. What do I do? Please help. Thank you :/

A: This is terrible! Your mom is abusing you. For reasons I can’t begin to understand only on the basis of a letter, she seems to be reliving her own adolescence through you. It strikes me that this is the emotional equivalent of Munchausen by proxy, a mental illness where a mother makes her child sick in order to get the attention she craves from doctors and hospitals. Your mother is manipulating your social life so she can get some thrill out of the drama of it all.

I’d like to think you could start with your dad. If he’s not aware of what’s going on, by all means tell him and ask for his protection and support. If your dad isn’t the kind of guy who can stand up for you, then you really do need to involve another adult. Talk to your school counselor or nurse or a trusted teacher or your doctor. Ask them to help you get in touch with the child protective services in your area. The abuse needs to stop. At your age, you need to be figuring out relationships and developing your own friendships. Your mother is robbing you of the experiences with others that will help you make good choices as you grow into adulthood.

You absolutely shouldn’t hurt yourself out of anger and frustration. Same goes for dropping so much weight. You are already being hurt too much by your mother. You don’t want to be hurting you too.

If you need support while you work things out, call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline (800-448-3000). There are counselors there 24/7 who can talk with you and help you make good decisions.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jan 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Mom Is Taking Over My Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/25/mom-vs-boyfriend/