In Love with an Older Man

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker


well my situation is more then complicated. I’m 16 almost 17 and I’m in love with a 11 years older man. and my dad is his boss. we have some things between us in the christmas party he said he cant take it anymore me being too close to him and we were both drunk and stuff he just held my hand at the party when my dad and his girlfriend wasn’t looking.. another time I’m drunk i called him and he said we couldn’t meet until I’m 20 and I’m in love with him for like 6 years. i don’t know what to do. i just wanna wake up in his arms and stuff. I’m freaking out about my dad but i want him so bad that every time i see him i get so turned on and could not get him out of my mind for months. all my best friends are concerned about this situation what should i do?

A: Your friends are absolutely right to be concerned. What you should do is run, not walk, away from this situation. This fellow is playing with fire. He is leading you on by holding your hand and saying things to you that are highly inappropriate. He may be making himself as important as your father (at least in his own mind) by playing the boss’s daughter. He may be getting some thrill from risking his job by flirting with you. He may even be attracted to you but he knows you are much, much too young for him. Whatever — he’s not behaving honorably or reasonably.

For your part, what on earth are you doing getting drunk and sneaking around? Anything that can’t be said or done sober probably shouldn’t be said or done at all. You know that or you wouldn’t be drinking and then using the alcohol as an excuse.

I’m sure your feelings are real. But part of being an adult is taking charge of our feelings and doing what’s right and best for ourselves regardless. This may be romantic. It may be exciting. But it isn’t healthy. Cut off all contact with this guy and start looking at the men who are your age. There is someone wonderful out there for you but you won’t find him as long as you let yourself be involved in this drama.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 22 Jan 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). In Love with an Older Man. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/22/in-love-with-an-older-man/

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