Family Disapproves of Girlfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hello,

I am in love with a 25 years old Girl. In India today also people still believe in Castes.

I belongs to “Brahmin” and she belongs to “Vaishya”. We are in relationship from last more than 4 years. Family knows about this from last 3 years. But today also my family is not at all agreeing with this relationship. According to them, Girl belongs to lower Caste but i do not have any problem with this. I can’t live without her. Even i have a faith on her and i can trust her blindly that she will never leave me. But i am not able to convince my parents. They are not even listening me and hating with her and her’s family.

Now they told me choose either that girls or them(My family). I do not want lose any of them.

Please help me out. I am not in the state to take any decision and day by day getting very nervous and helpless.

Thanks in advanced.

A: I’m so sorry for your trouble. You are caught in a generational divide. Your parents are of one generation and are holding onto the idea of castes. You are of another generation that is beginning to erase those distinctions. This is a story as old as time. It is the same story as Shakespeare talked about in his play, “Romeo and Juliet.” In the play, the story ends tragically. It shouldn’t have to in life.

I don’t feel I’m in a position to tell you what you should do. Yours is a culture far different from mine. Usually parents don’t want to lose their kids any more than the kids want to lose their family. But people can be very rigid around beliefs. If you think your parents are unable or unwilling to change their minds, then you have a difficult, difficult choice to make. Only you can decide which choice will be harder to live with for the rest of your life. Think hard and honestly about it. Staying undecided is hurting you and keeping you stuck. However hard a choice will be, it may be better to make it so you can move on.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 5 Jan 2012

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2012). Family Disapproves of Girlfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/05/family-disapproves-of-girlfriend/