Worried Girlfriend is Cheating

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

South Africa: Trust issues… sad to admit i seem to have some serious trust issues, my last relationship fell apart because she cheated on me, that was 18 months ago. i have been in a new relationship for a few months now and i cant seem to shake the feeling that she is cheating on me as my ex did. iv had a serious conversation with her about how i feel and about my past. she says she understands but a week or so later she just seems to clean forget what i have been through.

in the beginning of our relationship she would tell me when she went out etc etc etc and now it seems like im being left so far out of the loop its not even funny. we have to play a game of 20 question now before i can find out what’s even bugging her whereas before all i would have to do is ask. she says i am her one and only and that she can’t see her life without me in it but i just can’t shake this trust and jelousy thing, never had it before, and it’s not just with her going out with guy friends it’s with everybody.

Regards

A: Whether or not your girlfriend is cheating, something in this relationship has changed. Your girlfriend is distancing. It could be that she has been feeling crowded by your need to always know where she is. It could be that she is trying to help you get used to the idea that she can have interests and friends that don’t include you while still being your loving partner. Or it could be that she is drawn elsewhere.

The only way you will know is to have a calm discussion with her about where your relationship is going. Tell her that you have noticed that she is less willing to share information with you and that it makes you panic. Apologize if you respond by becoming an interrogator. Ask her what she thinks the two of you ought to do to quiet your fears and at the same time to give her enough freedom in the relationship.

If it’s too hard for the two of you to come to an agreement, it may be that a therapist could help you hear each other and reassure each other. Without trust, a relationship simply can’t work for the long run. You are right to be concerned. I hope you and your girlfriend can work this through.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Dec 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Worried Girlfriend is Cheating. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/12/19/worried-girlfriend-is-cheating/