Parents Want Me to End Relationship

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

i am 16 and my boyfriend is 17. We’ve been together for 8 months and i have been so happy with him. The last couple of days i got into a fight with my boyfriend and we broke up. Today my boyfriend texted me saying he wanted to get back together i told him yes but we need to take it slow.

Now on to the real situation, my mother saw me cry about my boyfriend and we had a very long talk. This semester in school has been hard i didn’t do as great as i could be doing and i will 100% admit that. They blame it on my boyfriend but the only thing is that my boyfriend has not been in school since september because he has been sick. So as my punishment i got blocked from his number and i have to break up with him.

I had a very long argument with my mom over this because he had no affect on my grades. They are saying that he isn’t a good boyfriend and tend to disagree. The only thing that he did wrong was by not showing up for my sweet 16. My parents do this to every guy i date. Him and I don’t want to break up, i really love him. We hardly ever argue. MY parents say that they have hated him from the start then again thats what they say to every guy. i don’t know what to do. I really do not want to breakup with him.

A: The most important part of your letter is toward the end. You say your parents have hated every guy you’ve dated. That suggests to me that either you have terrible taste in men or perhaps your parents are having diffictulty with your transition from being their little girl to being a teen who wants to date. Of course, it could be a little of both.

Back off the immediate fight. Arguing about the merits of this boy is not the issue and fighting about it will only make things worse. Instead, gather up every bit of maturity you have and ask your parents what’s really going on that their feelings are so intense. Are they ready to have you date at all? What do they see as reasonable ground rules? Are their opinions about what and who is appropriate okay or do you think they are out of touch with usual teen relationships? Can you find places where you can agree?

Listen respectfully and with an open mind and you will gain your parents’ respect. Try to understand their desire to protect you as a way they are loving you. Tell them that. Ask them what they need to see you do to feel more confident that you can handle this next stage of life. Remind them that you are going to continue getting older and that part of getting older is trying out relationships.

Don’t fight. Negotiate. If you can pull that off, you will have already demonstrated that you are developing the maturity that is needed to manage romance.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Dec 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Parents Want Me to End Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 28, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/12/11/parents-want-me-to-end-relationship/