My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. We have broken up a few times because of trust issues. I have trust issues because of my past relationships. We broke up 3 months ago and I have fought to get him back ever since. He had told me that he wasn’t loyal to me and was cheating on my behind my back. But I truly deep down love this kid with all my heart. I just don’t know what to do. Last night he said he was hanging out with his friends but I found out he had a girl come down for a party. He is now not answering my phone calls or text messages. What should I do about my boyfriend?
A: I can appreciate how upset you are, but I am wondering what is it that you love? Within the year, you have been broken up for much of it, he has systematically cheated on you, lied, and isn’t returning your calls.
Maybe this isn’t love. Maybe you are drawn to what you think he could be, his potential. I would encourage you to stop chasing after a person who clearly doesn’t honor you. Give yourself a chance to unhook from wanting someone who clearly isn’t committed to you and learn what to do to take care of yourself and meet new people. You deserve to have someone love you back.
About Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPPDan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Cheating. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 7, 2016, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/12/08/cheating/