My partner and the mother of my child is going through some emotional problems that I do not understand. Today, she vandalized my vehicle and broke a window in our house because I left a soda can on the kitchen counter. She tells me that I am emotionally abusive and I have no idea why she thinks that is true. I have never been anything but supportive of her and I have even changed many things in my life to conform to her morals and ideals. I feel like I always put her feelings first. My main concern is her happiness and the happiness of our child. Most of the time our relationship is good, but she is prone to episodes in which she tells me that she does not love me and that I do not care about her. I do not know how to make her see how much I do care about her. I have talked to her about seeing someone but she just accuses me of calling her crazy. We have gone to relationship counseling in the past, but she quit going because the counselor wanted to spend more time with her than with me. My worst fear is that she will get so angry that she will try to take my child away from me. When I try to talk to her about my concerns, she gets angry and blames me for everything. What can I do to show her how much I care about her and give her the help I believe she needs?
A. I would strongly suggest getting in front of the couples counselor again and let the counselor explain why the difference in the time and if individual therapy might be more appropriate. This is an essential piece of what has to happen. A professional needs to explain why she is the recipient of so much time.
You will need to have your own support as well. This sounds to me like it is going to get worse before it gets better, so having your own counselor is a good idea. Self-care right now is the best path for both of you.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Nov 2011
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Partner Dealing with Anger and Depression. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/11/25/partner-dealing-with-anger-and-depression/