I am currently in a relationship of 5 years engaged to be married. The problem is I hate the way he makes me feel he puts me down all the time and orders me around. He has never worked since we have been together, never helps with the housework or the cooking but expects me to do all these things and work full time.

I am currently suffering from depression and anxiety, and have very low self-esteem. He shows me no affection or notices that i’m there most of the time.
The problem is I have a friend who has asked me to move in with him he says he wants to be with me, treat me properly and give me everything my current partner will not.
He only split up with his wife a year ago and i’m worried that he is just looking for a rebound.

Plus I don’t know if I can leave my current boyfriend as I don’t know anything else and I do love him. I wish he didn’t treat me the way he does but its just getting worse.
I really don’t know what to do i’m not sure i’m strong enough to leave him and i’m scared to. Please help me.

A: Why on earth would you marry someone who treats you so poorly? You would be signing on for a lifetime of disrespect and mistreatment. You deserve to be with someone who will love you and cherish you and laugh with you. And why do you think your only alternatives are Man A or Man B?

From my point of view, you need to have some alone time to work on your self-esteem. If you don’t think highly of yourself, why would anyone else? Please think about getting a place with girlfriends you like and who will share positive friendship with you. See about getting some therapy to help you raise your opinion of yourself. That plan also gives Man B more recovery time and gives the two of you time to date without making the kind of commitment that goes with living together. You both need to take the time to focus on yourselves. If you do this well, a year from now it will be obvious what you should do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Nov 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). i’m not sure i’m strong enough to leave him and i’m scared. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/11/19/im-not-sure-im-strong-enough-to-leave-him-and-im-scared/