This Boy Is Confusing Me

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I met this boy and later that night I got a message from him on fb and he basically told me he felt a connection with me and wanted to get to know me. Well it’s been over a month and he says things to me about dreams he has of me and he likes me and tells me I’m a lovely soul and a beautiful person, but he won’t do anything about it, he goes days without talking to me and says he’s going to hit me up to hang out then doesn’t I’m so confused

A: Believe what he does, not what he says. He seems to like the fantasy of a relationship with you more than the reality that would come with actually hanging out. Maybe he’s terribly shy. Maybe he has been hurt in another relationship and doesn’t want to risk it again. Maybe he’s just not ready to have real conversations with a real person. Only you can decide if you want to continue with this way of relating. If you don’t, ask him to go out for coffee or something with you for real or stop communicating all together. Then see what he does. If he doesn’t meet up with you, I think you should stop waiting around for him and find someone who is interested in actually doing stuff together, not just talking about it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Nov 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). This Boy Is Confusing Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/11/18/this-boy-is-confusing-me/