Boyfriend Orgasming In Rage: Normal or Not?

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My boyfriend of a few weeks, has shocked me and I do not know what to do. While being intimate for the first time, he was asking me if I wanted other men to do things to me, if I have been a bitch or dog and such questions. He can only be stimulated if I say things to anger him and he talks to me like I am dirt and a whore. He can only reach orgasm and ejaculate when in complete anger and full of rage. He becomes more and more aggressive and physically violent. He choked me and calls me horrible names. He explained to me that all his life, he has been like this and can never reach an orgasm unless he is enraged. What is this? How do I deal with this? And where does this stem/come from? Eagerly waiting for a response. Thank you.

A. Jeffrey Dahmer is considered by many to be one of the worst serial killers in the history of the United States. He murdered male prostitutes and subsequently consumed parts of their bodies. From all reports and indications, Jeffrey Dahmer never intended to become a serial killer. He did not get sexual pleasure from killing his victims.

Jeffrey Dahmer was very shy. He was too shy to engage in sexual relations with another person. He realized, by accident, that it would be possible to have sex with individuals if they were unconscious. He began giving his sexual targets drugs to induce unconsciousness. Once they were unconscious he could have sex with them and then he would wait until they awakened and they would then go their separate ways. On one occasion, he went too far. He administered too much of a drug and his victim died.

Though he never intended or got sexual pleasure from killing his partner, he eventually began to kill them so that he had a longer period of time to have sex with their bodies. Later, he attempted to develop a way to keep his sexual partner in a coma by drilling a hole in his head and injecting him with formaldehyde. He did this so that he could have a living sexual partner, for days or hopefully weeks.

The sexual drive is very strong. In the case of Jeffrey Dahmer, the sexual drive was so strong that it led to the commission of heinous acts of murder. I included his story to demonstrate the danger of having sex with an individual who needs to engage in bizarre acts to achieve sexual pleasure.

The danger is that your boyfriend could accidentally cause you injury or death while having sex. It may not be intentional but as I mentioned above, the sexual drive is very strong. He could accidentally choke you too long or too hard during sex. His sexual behavior is abnormal, aggressive and worrisome.

I would strongly suggest ending this relationship. You mentioned that you just began the relationship so ending it should not be difficult. If you need assistance, or are concerned about your safety, see a mental health professional or go to the authorities immediately. Please take care and stay safe.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Nov 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Boyfriend Orgasming In Rage: Normal or Not?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 1, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/11/14/boyfriend-orgasming-in-rage-normal-or-not/