Mum Doesn’t Love Me

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I recently split up with my boyfriend of 7 years and immediately my mum started to give he a hard time. It is only now, a few months later that I am beginning to see what some of the problem is. It is to do with the fact that mum has always treated me differently from my brother, and it seems she doesn’t love me in the right way. At first I was upset and we argued and we didn’t speak for a few months, then my boyfriend met someone else and I was devastated. Even at this point my mum couldn’t bring herself to be nice to me or to show me any love. It is always about her and how difficult things are for her. I am beginning to realize that there is something definitely wrong now, but I do not know how to get past it. It has really affected me deeply and when I’m trying to deal with negative feelings to do with splitting up with my long-term boyfriend the thing with mum has just about finished me off. I am living with family friends because I can’t be with her and my dad at home. I have tried to talk to her but been met with rejection again. I have decided to go away for 5 months to give myself a break but the reality is that I then will only have had a handful of conversations with my mum in a year by the time I get back. I feel so awful about myself because I think it is inevitable that I feel I have done something to cause it. Would it help me to see someone professionally about this? I’m not sure who it would be. My dad and I now have a better relationship but he realizes something is wrong and he cant stand up to my mum to try to fix it. What do I do?

A: I am so sorry you have had to feel the loss of your boyfriend and the lack of support from your mum. But there is a saying: “Don’t try to buy a loaf of bread at the hardware store.” You mum has little to offer and you need a new support system. The short answer to your question is YES.

Therapy allows for emotional support through a trained person. The find help tab at the top of the page will direct you to someone in your country who can help you. Families are complex, and it sounds like there is pain in your family that does not allow you to get your emotional needs met. This is always a good opportunity for therapy.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Oct 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Mum Doesn’t Love Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/26/mum-doesnt-love-me/