My husband and I have been together for 2 years. We just recently had a baby boy who is now 6 months old. Ever since i found out i was pregnant, our fighting got worse. He didnt want me to have the baby but i wanted to so i kept him. He is a good dad but doesnt help with the baby. He has never changed a diaper or fed him. Anyway, we have always rough housed for fun. Here lately, when we start to rough house, we get more rough than we use to. It gets me frustrated and i start screaming at him in an angry way. I will start shaking and want to just hit something as hard as i can! Keep in mind that my whole life, I have been a HUGE push over and have let everything roll off my back because I hate confrontation and try to avoid it at all cost.
A: You and your husband have avoided dealing with major, major issues. Pushing feelings down doesn’t make them go away. They are just lurking under the surface waiting to get out. You two get into a bit of fun fighting and it’s as if you then lose the ability to keep those issues under wraps. My guess is that at age 20, your husband is highly resentful that he now has responsibilities for a baby he didn’t want. You’re resentful of his resentment. (BTW: A “good” father participates in care. It’s a red flag to me that your husband isn’t interested in changing and feeding his son.) If you don’t deal with all this directly, it’s going to come out indirectly — and probably in increasingly hurtful ways. You two need to get to a couples counselor yesterday! You need to learn how to cooperate and make decisions you can feel good about. And you need to learn how to coparent in a way that is healthy for your little son.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 19 Oct 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Fights with husband are getting worse. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 25, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/19/fights-with-husband-are-getting-worse/