I’m Stuck

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m a 17-year-old guy who lives in the UK and a few months ago I paid for a plane ticket for y girlfriend who lives in the US to come a stay with my family and me for 3 weeks, we had our fights when we were here but nothing serious. When she was leaving I wasn’t sure whether to break up with her or keep it going. Well I started talking to her cousin and things got kind of sexual. My girlfriend finds out and pretty much breaks up with me and tells me that she’s pregnant. Well after a while I’ve managed to get her to give me another chance to be perfect for her because when I look back I see that we really were happy together and I loved her so very much…I guessing just had a moment of weakness, I’m ashamed of what I did to her and I want to live the rest of my life with her, marry her and have more children with her like we planned before I talked to her cousin. It’s not the relationship I’m worried about because I know that over time we can move past it. I am worried about money, I have just finished an apprenticeship and there is no work for me…I need to pay for my girlfriend to come and live here as well as the baby which will be around £3500 or $6000 a year and then if she’s to stay here with me and the baby as a family the easiest visa to get would be a marriage visa and marriages are expensive. I’m worried about money but it’s not what I’m here for…I’m only 17, a very mature 17 year old I’ll grant you that but still…it’s a lot for me to sort out because we haven’t told our parents she’s pregnant yet…I know my parents will help us completely but after what happened my girlfriends mom hates me. I just need a way to sort of forget about everything that’s going on and relax…there’s just so much for me to deal with and I’m only 17 years old, I’ll be 18 when the baby is born and my girlfriend will be 16 when the baby is born. I know that I can do this but I can’t on my own for much longer…my girlfriend tends to leave things to the last minute which I don’t. I guess this is more of a release for me to just tell everything to someone without fear…just to get everything of my chest and take a weight off of my shoulder before it’s all put back on again. I’m ready to be a father I’m just not financially ready…sometimes I just don’t know what to do anymore.

A: It sounds very complex, but let’s see if we can sort it through. The first thing I would do is look to see what services might be available for your girlfriend. I would check your local hospital to find out what they know about helping unmarried teenagers. Typically there are many counseling, medical, and infant care programs that are available. You do not have to figure this out alone. I would encourage your girlfriend to check out the same resources at a local hospital or Planned Parenthood site near where she lives.

Second, your apprentice program should have a way of getting you networked into the field you have chosen. Get busy networking yourself into your chosen field so that even if you have to take another job right now, you will be ready when the opportunity to join your profession comes along.

Finally, let your parents help. Family is there for times like this. Let them help in whatever way they can.

You have the desire to change and be more than you are right now. This is a very good thing. That kind of motivation will help you look at what needs to be done, and find a way to make it work. I would get the counsel of family and the experts at the hospital so you and your girlfriend can make the best decisions possible.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Oct 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). I’m Stuck. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/16/im-stuck/

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