Jealous of fiance

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I am really jealous of my fiance. He has two companies with his ex wife and they will always be working together. Yesterday, after a year of being together and not knowing her I talked to her because of a work I did for their site. I understood things better, but I am still confused. There is a big story behind my jealousy. In the beginning I only felt jealous when I saw the way he looks (and even bends over) to see a female. He can’t control himself. When we go to a bar, he talks to my friend (which is really attractive) and even completely forgets about me. I am not being a good friend of her anymore, because it’s really painful for me to see the way he talks and acts around her.

A: It sounds to me like you and his ex-wife have something in common. Neither of you completely trust him. Sometimes jealousy is irrational. But sometimes a person who is jealous is trying to tell herself something she really ought to listen to. Only you can sort out which is the case for you. But my red flags went up when I read that your boyfriend forgets about you when there’s another attractive woman around. I don’t believe for a minute that “he can’t control himself.” Neither should you. If your boyfriend can’t make some changes in his behavior so that you feel secure in his love, it may be time to rethink this relationship.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 11 Oct 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Jealous of fiance. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/11/jealous-of-fiance/