Hello. I have a problem of getting to know a person, figuring them out, getting bored with them, and wanting to leave the relationship. This is evident in all my relationships (friendships, romantic, etc.) The only relationships I do not do this in are familial. I seem to leave everyone and I’m not sure why aside from the fact that they really do bore me after a while. What is this?
A: There are a number of possibilities. See if any of these make sense to you.
- It may be that you aren’t spending enough time looking for the right people to befriend. Do you settle for anyone who is friendly? Or do you actively seek out people who are stimulating, who share your interests and passions, and who are intense enough to meet you at your own level of intensity?
- Could it be that you’ve been hurt by people and don’t want to risk getting close again? One way to protect yourself is to find reasons (like boredom) to be distant from others.
- Maybe you’re great at the initial stages of relationships but feel uncomfortable when the relationship needs to go to the next level. Perhaps you’ve never mastered the skills for a closer relationship so bail out rather than deal with the awkwardness.
- Are you perhaps afraid of being judged by others? Perhaps you are doing some version of “You can’t fire me, I quit.”
- It may be that you are an “Aspie.” People with Aspergers often find NTs (neurotypical people) boring.
At 32, you’ve lived a long time with this. You didn’t mention if it is a problem for you or if you are merely curious about your own behavior. Regardless of whether any of my ideas fit, I suggest you make an appointment with a counselor to help you with this. If you understand why you find people boring, you can then decide if you want to do anything about it.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 4 Oct 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). I am easily bored by people. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 9, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/04/i-am-easily-bored-by-people/