Best Friend Has Pushed Me Away

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My best friend remarried her ex-husband who’d been unfaithful and emotionally abusive and controlling of her. She claimed he’d changed yet while I attempted to be supportive, although my gut told me something was wrong, she would never allow me around him. She continued to make it seem as though I was the one who was unable to change my perspective of him. I had told her I wanted to be able to have that chance to see him differently if she really felt he was different and that it meant a lot to me to be able to do so considering she was my best friend. After numerous fights I requested space and time away from her. She reacted with anger and that I was the only positive person in her life, that if I left she’d be left to take care of herself, etc. What do I do? She refuses to see a counselor.

A. Unfortunately, there may be little that you can do in this situation. Your best friend is back with her ex. She wants to be with him even if you do not agree with her choice. Any negative views that you have about him are most likely not going to be welcomed.

You want her to see a therapist but she is unwilling. You cannot make her do anything that she does not want to do. In that case, you have to decide whether or not you want to remain in contact with her, given the choices that she has made.

Understandably, it is difficult to see someone you care about make decisions that may harm them. If you are unwilling to remain in contact with her, then perhaps you can let her know that you will be a source of support, if necessary. In addition, time apart may give you a different perspective on your relationship.

It is difficult to provide specific advice because I have very limited details about the situation. If you would like to write back and provide additional details, I may be able to give you a more thorough answer. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle
@DrKRandle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Oct 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Best Friend Has Pushed Me Away. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/10/03/best-friend-has-pushed-me-away/