Girlfriend wants space

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

On a break, girlfriend asked for space, won’t talk to me now but says she’s in love with me.

My girlfriend and I got in a fight about a little more then a week ago, over my jealousy issues. She said, that she needed space. Every day after that I would text or write her and she would respond with short answers. I would say I loved her and she would say it back, like she meant it. That I missed her she would say it back as well. Two days ago we spoke, she told me she couldn’t live without me and missed me desperately. The next day she didn’t talk to me. On Thursday I sent her a message, saying that I loved her but I would leave her alone until she was ready to talk about it. It’s been 3 days including today that we have not talked at all. Is the relationship over? Or does she truly just need some space right now? The way she said she loves me and needs me last time we spoke. Made it seem like we were even back together but then the next day she was a no show or contact. Its the first 3 days we have gone 0 contact. Please help? The mixed signals are confusing me.

A: The first year if college is often the most difficult time for adjustment in relationships. I recommend that you give your girlfriend the space she is asking for and begin to develop some of your own interests and grow new friendships. This may not be the answer you are looking for, but to watch, wait, and hope for your girlfriend to reconnect leaves you too vulnerable for your own good.

If she wants to make the commitment to you then she has to struggle with her own issues without being persuaded by you. You can’t help her in this regard. But you can honor her and yourself by giving her the space she wants, and developing new interests and friends.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Sep 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Girlfriend wants space. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/09/10/girlfriend-wants-space/

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