Hello, I am from Mauritius and I am currently having an issue which is becoming harder and harder to manage… I have a fiancee and we both love each other immensely.. but recently, I am having some quite disturbing and intrusive thoughts about her of sexual nature, and it seems that the more I try to shake it off, it comes stronger than before; I feel so ashamed of these thoughts that sometimes, I feel like I should to live. I have dealt with a similar issue a few years before, the thoughts were of religious nature and reflected the exact contrary of what I think is correct, it was leading to depression but I eventually mannered to snap out of it.. I feel so ashamed about myself and the moment I wake up, the thoughts comes haunting me. Sometimes I feel like I do not deserve to be with my fiancee or to get married to her but this will completely break her down.. I have heard about OCD but the treatment of exposing myself to these thoughts which are so disturbing makes me reluctant to go to see a therapist and I am ashamed to reveal the details of these thoughts to anyone, I immensely hate these thoughts..

Thank you for your precious advice.

A. It would have been helpful to have had more details about your “disturbing” thoughts. I do not believe that your thoughts are the main problem; it is the shame that you feel about those thoughts that prevent you from properly dealing with this problem. Shame has prevented you from detailing your thoughts in an anonymous letter. It also stops you from seeking professional help.

You are ashamed of your thoughts because of a belief that they portray you in a negative light but the reality is that you have no control over them. Would you feel shame if your appendix burst or if a heart valve malfunctioned? No one should feel shame in those situations because there was nothing that they could have done to have prevented these physical problems. The same logic applies to your thoughts. If you had the power to control your thoughts, you would. You would just stop thinking negative thoughts. You have tried doing just that but it hasn’t worked. You should not blame yourself for something that you have no control over. Trained professionals understand the nature of psychological problems and they can help you with your problem.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not to blame. Continuing to blame yourself will only prevent you from receiving the psychological help that could cure this problem. My advice is to see a therapist and to be as honest and as detailed as possible. The sooner that you receive help for this problem, the quicker it will be remedied. Click the “find help” tab, at the top of this page, to locate a qualified therapist in your community. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 6 Sep 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Obsessive And Intrusive Thoughts About My Girlfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 26, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/09/06/obsessive-and-intrusive-thoughts-about-my-girlfriend/