I can’t trust my boyfriend

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I can’t trust my boyfriend of 15months. He has never given me reason to not trust him except when I first met him he had an issue with drugs which he tried to conquer himself without help. I found out and we tackled it together. Now he is better.

I have several different mental issues. Which is why I joined this site. But what is making my life awful and myself very unhappy is my total lack of trust for my boyfriend. I am suspicious of everything he does. I check his phone. I ask him questions and try and catch him out. If anything untoward happens I automatically think he is either cheating, back on drugs, or stealing off me.

We are together a lot of the time and we are trying to spend a few nights a week apart now because we both need space. But I just can’t stop obsessing over things and worrying. It’s ruining my relationship. I don’t know how to stop.

I need help big time but I can’t afford it. Please help!

A: Your concerns make sense because of all the two of you have been through. The difficulty isn’t in the concerns you have, but the fact that you can’t regulate them, slow them down or stop them.

I think you would want to challenge these thoughts. My encouragement is to use one of our forums and ask others how they have coped with these intrusive, repetitive thoughts. If anyone has been through cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) ask him or her how he or she managed. My guess is that they will give you some pointers on challenging your thoughts and keeping these obsessions at bay.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Aug 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). I can’t trust my boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/08/27/i-cant-trust-my-boyfriend-3/