I’ve been seeing my therapist for a year and 3 months now, I have liked her since the first day i seen her in my first session. As time went by the intensity of it got worse. i think about her all the time now, there isn’t a day that goes by to where i dont think of her. I am bisexual, and i tend to like girls more than guys. I just wish that somehow i could be with my therapist, i really feel like i love her, and i would do anything for her. i am 17 though, and she is about to turn 35 soon, i dont understand why i like her if shes that much older than i am, but all i know is i do. i love her, i’ve caught myself looking at her facebook picture many times in one day, i try to find more pictures of her through her friends accounts, i just feel like i am obsessed with her, and i know this isnt healthy, but i am unsure of what to do about it, would you have any suggestions?
A: Sure. You need to talk to your therapist. Your feelings are certainly real. But they are probably also a reflection of something called “transference.” Transference is when feelings that belong to one person or group of people are “transferred” onto another — the therapist. My guess is that you are avoiding dealing with issues around sexuality and your attraction to both genders. By focusing on your attraction to your therapist, you spare yourself the very real and very scary task of finding a partner who can be available to you.
When transference happens in therapy, it’s often a pivotal point of treatment. Discussing it with your therapist and dealing with all the feelings that go with it often leads to important personal growth. You’re right that being obsessed and invading her privacy isn’t healthy. What is healthy is doing your part in therapy by being upfront with how you feel. Please trust your therapist to handle such a sensitive issue with respect and caring.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Aug 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). I’m obsessed with my therapist. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 11, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/08/25/im-obsessed-with-my-therapist/