Best friend stealing boyfriend…bullies at school

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

So my boyfriend lives 1,000 miles away from me and I see him three times a year. We are together and everything was absolutely great until three days ago. Three days ago my BEST friend started talking to my boyfriend and now all he does is talk to her…and he called her hot. My boyfriend barely talks to me anymore and when I bring up to him that what he’s doing is bothering me he accuses me of being rude and jealous. The problem is then he says I’m sorry and I love you. I love him too and that’s what is making this painful.

On top of that I just finished a very rough school year. I found out that one of my best friends started doing pot. I approached her and said that what she was doing is not right. She then flipped out on me and said that I was making up lies about her (I caught her smoking pot). She then totally bashed me in front of everyone and turned the entire school against me. Now I have about three friends. They even reported my facebook and now my facebook is locked. The other day at orientation she tried to corner me in the hallway and beat me up. I’m terrified to go back to school now.

I don’t even know what to do now. I feel like my life is falling apart around me and I don’t know what to do about it. My cousin who is like a sister to me is always depressed and I don’t want to end up being like her. Last year she told me that she was going to commit suicide. I stopped her from it and everything was ok again, but whenever I talk to her she tries to drag me down…what do I do?

A: These are very difficult issues for someone 13 years old to have to cope with. You are getting more than your share of the rough times right now. All of the things you have noted are annoyances that certainly warrant your reaction. None of it seems to be fair.

It sounds to me like you need to deepen your friendship with the three people you are close to as you expand your friendships to new people. I would also find an adult to talk to. The first place I would go is your school guidance counselor. He or she has a lot of experience with exactly these issues and can guide you through them.

You sound like a very responsible and loyal person, and it may be time to protect yourself from those people who aren’t treating you fairly. Stick with your friends that have been there for you, make some new ones to replace those treating you poorly, and talk to your counselor or trusted teacher about what is going on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 Aug 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Best friend stealing boyfriend…bullies at school. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/08/24/best-friend-stealing-boyfriend-bullies-at-school/

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