Extremely bad breakup

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I have been in a non-platonic relationship with my best friend for 3 years now. He will be leaving in two weeks for another state. Our entire relationship has always been rocky, small fights all the time. However last night he accused me of something I didn’t do. No matter how much I begged him to believe me he refused. Then told me multiple times he hates me and never wants to see me again. I love him. He was and is my everything. Him hating me and saying so many hurtful things has me very depressed. I want things to go back to how they were when we were happy together. I don’t want to lose him he is all I have. Without him i’m nothing. I feel like there is nothing left in life to live for. I can’t eat and can’t sleep. I don’t know what to do. I really want to call him or message him but my friends have advised me not to. I’m a wreck. Please help.

A: When people break up they often use anger to mask the pain of the separation. While I can’t know for sure, it sounds like that may be a possibility with your boyfriend. Your feelings make sense. This was a deep relationship with intimacy. Of course you will feel the pain of the breakup. My encouragement is to let your friends be your support network and give them the opportunity to nurture you through this. You will need to allow yourself to feel the pain, while recovering and engaging in self-care at a profound level.

Part of the self-care will be to get some therapy. As you state that you are in college please use the counseling center you have available to you for no or very low cost through the university. They are very familiar with the issues you are wrestling with, and can help you move through this particularly difficult transition.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 12 Aug 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Extremely bad breakup. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 21, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/08/12/extremely-bad-breakup/