Guilt-Free Love

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I love my girlfriend and she also loves me, we are going to be married sometime soon, she is very open to me about how she feels her problems almost every thing she shares with me whether its right or wrong, good or bad, and when I say anything I mean any thing, She was in a relationship before me for almost 5 years, we have been together for almost 2 years now. Recently, I came to know that when I her touch her in a sexual way she is unable to feel me the way she should and that thing bothers her, I have tried to make sure she forgets her past but somehow she cannot, She is my first love but I am her second love, I make her feel special and do everything possible to make her happy but still she is filled with guilt. I want her to feel my every touch as if it was for the first time

Please help me out because I love her a lot and cant see her suffer.

Thanks

A: I think your sensitivity and understanding about your girlfriend’s reaction is exemplary. From what I can gather from your information there is something blocking your girlfriend having sexual feelings for you without thinking about a past relationship. It was difficult to tell from your description if there were past issues of abuse, but in any case I think your sensitivity and your concern are exactly the support that she will need to change.

But how that change comes about needs to be managed by a professional. Because this is occurring with you she may not be able to do the work to unravel this while worrying about your feelings. When deep, complex feelings are involved it would be best to get some guidance from a professional. I would offer to go to a couples therapist with her so he or she can guide the two of you to the next step toward healing. The above link should have contacts for you in your country.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 31 Jul 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Guilt-Free Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/31/guilt-free-love/