I’ve been with my husband for 5 years now. We just got married a little over a year ago and we have a 14 month old son together. I’m also pregnant with our second child. 2 days before we got married he had told me he cheated on me with 2 women. We’ve been able to move passed that. He got back from bootcamp about a week ago, and I saw texts in his phone from a girl he use to go to highschool with, mind you they were innocent text messages.. But her name was put in as a mans name. He lied to me for about 10 minutes as to who she was than finally told me. ive been a little suspicious about something else going on so I looked through his phone when he wasn’t around, and found emails back and forth with another girl. And at the end of the message he gave her his number to keep in contact. Long story short I confronted him about it, and he told me he was seeing this girl while we had started dating about 4 years ago. Which makes the number of women he cheated on me with to 3. He told me they were texting but supposedly it was innocent. Which I’m not sure I believe because he won’t stop lying. And now I find out he just tried to contact her a few days ago after he got home as well as this other girl he put in his phone under a mans name. Is there any way to work this out. He claims that he won’t talk to her anymore but I just can’t believe him. I feel like there’s a Lot more that I don’t know because it seems to coincidental that I’ve caught everything he has to hide.
A: In the last two years your man has become a husband and a father (twice). Things that happened before you married are in the past and are best left there. But the current flurry of texts may have something to do with being freshly in the armed services. The future is uncertain if he is deployed. He may be wanting to make sure he has really “lived” when he might die. Someone needs to help him manage his anxiety and shift his thinking. You and the kids love him and need him. The chances are excellent that he will come back from conflict alive and whole. But whatever happens, his family needs a family man.
What you are going through is painful but not uncommon in military families. I suggest you contact his unit’s chaplain to talk about where to get some couples counseling to help you all deal. The two of you owe it to yourselves and your children to straighten this out.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 Jul 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). My husband cheated on me (again). Psych Central. Retrieved on March 1, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/30/my-husband-cheated-on-me-again/