Should i him give up?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Have had a male best friend for 5 years. Yes a friend with benefits. Really enjoy sex and being with each other. But I am in love with him and he loves me but not in love. He knows i am in love with him and sometimes uses it to his advantage. I have been through 3 or 4 of his girlfriends with him and a wife that he is divorcing. Everytime i try to get over him without him even knowing he does something that makes me stop. I hurt all the time because i love him so much. All our joint friends that know about us says that he is in love with me but just wont admit it. What can i do? I cant go out with anyone else (even tho i have tried on more than one occasion) because i compare them to him and nobody measures up to him. Should i give up or as my friends say he will come around?

A: Give it up. Your boyfriend isn’t able to commit to anyone. Why do you think you will be different? He likes things just as they are: Benefits but no commitment. Even if he did connect with you for awhile, all bets are on that he would cheat on you too. I’m sure your friends mean well but they aren’t doing you any favors by feeding your hope for a hopeless cause. Better that they should help you remember that there are men who would give their right arm to meet someone as loyal and loving as you are. This guy isn’t worth your time.

It’s not surprising that you can’t find someone else. Your heart hasn’t been in the project. You keep comparing people to this guy instead of seeing them for themselves. Close the door on this man once and for all and find a man who can give you what you deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 25 Jul 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Should i him give up?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/25/should-i-him-give-up/