My parents won’t let me talk to my boyfriend

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple weeks now. We havent been able to see eachother since school because his parents are divorced hes in another part of the state during the summer. We talk on the phone every night, but its normally late because both of us are busy until late. We normally talk for hours though so sometimes i dont get off till 3 in the morning. It doesnt bother me because i am always up then anyways but my parents have been getting mad. They take my phone away and wont let us talk at night. We are planning a date which i want to tell them about, but i know they wont let me out of the house. Hes a great guy and he makes me so happy. I was depressed before we started dating and now i cant stop smiling. My parents havent even met him yet amd they already hate him. Im embarassed also because his parents are fun and awsome but my parents are strict and mean. It bothers me that they hate him though. I just dont know what to do anymore. It really sucks. Cant my parents realize that im happier then ive been in literally years? They dont seem to understand how much i am in love with this guy.help me?

A: I doubt very muich that your folks hate a guy they’ve never met. What they hate is that you aren’t handling the relationship in a responsible way. They see you spending hours on the phone when you should be getting much-needed sleep. They’re probably worried that you are over-involved with someone you haven’t known that long. Parents, being parents, are feeling protective of your health and your welfare. Sneaking out will only confirm their belief that you aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship.

You and your guy need to talk about how to demonstrate to your parents that the two of you are able to respect reasonable boundaries around phone use. You two also need to show your parents that you are both responsible about your health and welfare. If your boyfriend cares for you, he will want to help you solve the problem instead of just agreeing that the situation “sucks.”

I suggest you tell your parents that you know that they are only trying to protect you. Tell them that you understand you’ve been a little over the top with staying up to talk to your guy the last few weeks but that you can settle down now. Ask them to set a curfew for phone use and respect it. Once you’ve shown them you can do that, you can ask them to help the two of you meet up for a day at either his house or yours. If this relationship is meant to be, it won’t fizzle if you slow down a bit. Let your parents get to know your boyfriend gradually so they can see what you see; that he’s really a great guy.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 17 Jul 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). My parents won’t let me talk to my boyfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/17/my-parents-wont-let-me-talk-to-my-boyfriend/

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