Crying Too Often As A Male

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have been this way my entire life, I have done some searching but it seems as if I don’t reach the extent that many others do. I am a very happy person, I am not depressed, i have a great life, and a lot going for me.The only real issue I have had in my life is handling dealing with my father who is a struggling alcoholic.

However my issue is that I get angry much too easily, and I also tend to cry about things that I should not be crying about. As a male this can be very embarrasing, and I am afraid that this will hurt my relationship. Sometimes when I get mad I will throw things or break things, and while common, this isnt a daily occurrence. I do tend to lash out in a physical way at least once weekly. I never want to hit or hurt people, it is usually my phone/ hitting a wall or window, etc.

At the same time, small things make me very upset, and I usually respond by crying. When i am in a fight with somebody I cry, when i am in an argument i might cry. It is embarrassing and I really would like to understand why it is happening and how i can control it.

A: We should not believe in the stereotype that men should never cry. In fact, some women perceive males who show this side of themselves as being more sensitive, caring or in touch with their emotions than the “average” male. In this way it could be seen as a positive and desirable quality. Suppressing versus expressing. Certainly, there are those times when crying is socially acceptable and times when it is not.

At the heart of your question is why are you reacting with tears or anger when you otherwise consider yourself a happy, well-adjusted individual. You mentioned your alcoholic father. You may be struggling with unresolved issues with your father. It might also be a problem of impulse control. You oftentimes feel very emotional but at times you seem to lack the necessary skills to keep some emotions under control.

You have identified this as a problem that is interfering with your life. It is negatively affecting your relationships with others. My recommendation is to seek help for this problem before your anger grows out of control. You would never want to harm another in the heat of anger. It is better to proactively treat this problem. Don’t wait until it is too late.

There are very effective anger management programs that exist and you should take advantage of them. In addition, I would also recommend attending an Al-Anon meeting. These meetings can be very effective and are designed to help individuals who have family members with ongoing alcohol problems. The find help tab can help you locate a therapist who specializes in anger management. Here’s a link to where you can find more information about the Al-Anon meetings I described above. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Jul 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Crying Too Often As A Male. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 29, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/13/crying-too-often-as-a-male/

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