My boyfriend of 4 yrs broke up with me and I don’t know if I should just move on or try and make it work once again. About 2 yrs into the relationship he told me he needed some time to himself. We did stop seeing each for bout a month however we did keep in touch through phone calls. We would see each other briefly just to see how each of us were doing for the next two months. During this time I meet someone else who I had sex with him, the thing is that while this guy was at my house my boyfriend decided to come over because I wasn’t answering the phone and saw him in my house. He asked me in front of the other man if we had had sex I said no, knowing it was a lie. Then he asked the man if we had sex and said yes to my boyfriend. We decided to continue seeing each other but my boyfriend wanted to know details about how we meet and how many times we had sex. I didn’t tell him everything. Well now after two years he found out that I rode with the other man on his motorcycle once, and he came over to my house bout two other times and that he would go shoot pool a few times at the same bar I would go have a drink at after work. He told me I wasn’t honest with him about all the details, so he could no longer be with me. I love him and I really would like for us to get back together. Should I try and get him back or just move on?
A : Please stop agreeing to define your behavior as “cheating.” You didn’t cheat. You and your boyfriend were taking a break. Part of the problem is that you are responding to his unreasonable demand to know all about your personal business when he was the one who asked for time out. He can’t have it both ways. At 40, you don’t need to feel guilty for having an adult life as a single woman. At the time, you didn’t know he would come back into your life so you were understandably moving on.
If your guy continues to obsess over what you did and didn’t do when he was “taking time for himself,” I think you need to seriously think about whether you want to live with such a double standard. You have nothing to apologize for.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Jul 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Boyfriend broke up with me because I cheated. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2013, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/07/02/boyfriend-broke-up-with-me-because-i-cheated/