I feel like I have no close friends

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Ever since i started high school i feel like i have no real friends. I have a lot of friends in school but i never hangout with any of the except one but she has other friends too and can’t constantly hanging out with me. i feel like a loser if im home alone on the weekends. i am so insecure about my self which this whole friend problem is making me feel like something is wrong with me. i just want a few close friends that i like and will always want to hang hangout with me. why is that so hard??? i just want to remember high school as fun but if i have no friends i may want my life not to continue. i know i should look forward to the future but i am very impatient and i want close friends. i want to feel popular and accepted. i feel so depressed that i have no real friends to hangout with and its really getting to me. making friends is so hard and i don’t know how some people in my school do it so quickly and that makes me feel even more bad about my self. Is all of this normal? am i not the only one out there? I worried high school is going to suck. help me please! I want to feel happy and have friends!!!!!!

A: Yes, this is normal. Yes, making real friends is hard. No, you’re not the only one — not at all! Yes, it will be really awful to go through high school without a circle of at least 4 or 5 friends you can call up to hang out with. Sad to say, friends aren’t going to drop out of the sky for you. For most of us, it takes effort and time and more effort. I know. It isn’t fair. Some people just seem to be born with a kind of magnetic charisma and self-confidence. People seem to just flock around them. But here’s a secret: Most of them are feeling scared and insecure too. High school is the pits at least some of the time for most of the kids.

There are some practical suggestions in this article. Think seriously about what it says. Practice on a few people this summer so by the time you get back to school you are feeling more confident. Make it your secret project to cultivate at least one more friendship than you’ve got now. You can do it. You’re normal and smart and probably have a lot to bring to a friendship if you’d only let yourself and other people see it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 26 Jun 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). I feel like I have no close friends. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/26/i-feel-like-i-have-no-close-friends/