My love

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m from a Gulf country.

I got to know this person through the Internet. Our relationship is strong the I call him and meet with him . our traditions have not been able to marry.

When my family know about this relationship I have a lot of problems they would not let me go out of the house even for shopping and cut my phone, but my love for this person pushed me to work despite impossible.

Without Phone i try hard to contact him anf i figure man way i call him. I was able to complete my studies and graduated and married an arranged marriage and my relationship with this person is become strong evry day and has not changed, but for a period of time I cut off my relationship in an attempt to forget, but I could not forget it is my first love how can i forget when i do any thing i think about him . And after I was born my child and the difficulties I faced, especially I have pragnant poisoning and i have  an urgent caesarean section. I decided to go back to my first love. And communicate with him and the period of the most beautiful days of my life I was able to feel happy even when i cheat  my husband and everyone notice how you became glad.( i fell sorry for my hasband he didn’t know what happen around him)

Today he sent me text massege he went to cut our relationship . Try it and connect him and call him 178 calls and he did not answer me  after i send him few massege he call me . He told me he wanted to cut our relationship with coz, his wife know about our relationship . And my relationship with him almost impasble and does not want to lose his family. And told me that he would rather lose his heart and does not lose his family. And he will countact me and call me again. But after his waife forget what happen

I felt sad, bad , upset and the end of the world. And I could not stop myself from crying and wailing and I felt that the near dead. And he did not care. Did not care for the relationship lasted for nearly 10 years.

I do not know what to do or how things will become.

information about me:

i am married and fove 11 month boy. nobody know about our realation becose of our traditional. He get marred after i marrege and his waif 5 moth pregnant

Help me i dont know what to do.

A:  Thank you for taking the time to explain your issues.  I will do my best to help.

It is not clear from your note what your culture or his culture is, but one thing is certain, you are not happy in your marriage.  This is where the emphasis needs to be.  Until you deal directly with your relationship with your husband you will not be able to feel any peace.

Since I do not specifically know your culture I can only guess, but I would seek counseling for yourself first, so you can learn to cope with your emotional situation. Couples counseling seems too difficult because your husband doesn’t know what is happening.

You will find that the rules and restrictions in your culture have been encountered by other women with similar feelings.  If you can find a female therapist to talk to this would be the best way to go.

Right now the work is on taking care of yourself and your baby.  The counseling should help you sort through what you need to do next.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Jun 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). My love. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 30, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/18/my-love/