Unable to love?

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I have been dating an amazing girl for 2 months now and all of a sudden have started to lose interest. The part that bothers me is that this has happened multiple times before, and not due to any fault of my partner. Once 2-3 months rolls around, I just start losing the desire to be with them, and this brings on a lot of guilt and fear. I fear I am unable to love or connect with someone. I don’t want to end the relationship I am in because I really feel this is my problem, not hers, and if I can get over it then we could really have a meaningful, lasting relationship. Do you have any insights as to what my problem is and how I should approach my situation? Thanks!

A: At 25, you may have ambivalent feelings about settling down. For many people, around the three month mark is where the question gets asked whether this relationship has a future. No matter how wonderful the girlfriend or boyfriend may be, if the partner isn’t ready or willing to think about settling in for the long run, he or she often starts to distance — sometimes to the confusion of both people. If the woman you are dating is signaling that she’s interested in more of a commitment than you are, of course you are shutting down. You don’t want to lead her on. You don’t want to find yourself in deeper than you are ready for.

There may be more to it than this but it’s a good first guess. Without more information, this is the best I can do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 10 Jun 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). Unable to love?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/10/unable-to-love/

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