Depressed about Breakup

By Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I think that i might be depressed. last year i started going out with this guy who i really, really liked. He would always tell me how much he liked me, and that i was ‘beautiful’ and ‘amazing’.. and i was head over heels in love with him,which was wierd because i had never been in love. afer about 6 months of being together he suddenly stopped taking interest in me, and would often forget to meet up with me when we made plans. all of a sudden he completely ignored me, i didnt even get a text from him.. i couldn’t eat and didn’t go out becasue i was soo worried he no longer liked me. After two weeks of him ignoring me, i got a text from him explainig how he just wanted to be friends and that i deserve someone much better. I cried when i first saw it, but the next few days i was fine. a few days later I went on ‘facebook’ one day and realised he has blocked me! That really hit me hard as i felt he had just completly ‘deleted’ me out of his life, and everyday since then i have cried and have not been able to be happy. this was about three months ago now, and i know i’m over him but still i cry most days and find it really hard to enjoy going out. i often just sit in my room isolating myself. i just feel generally down, and keep wondering what the point of my life is..i cry at ridiculously stupid things. Just today i burst out in tears at a disney film which wasn’t sad atall! im just so emotional. i’m scared nobody will ever love me, or want me..and i will end up being alone. it’s stupid because im still really young, i keep trying to tell myself there is plenty of opportunities for me to find sombody but deep inside i just cant accept that. I have also recetly not been eating as much, and often make myself sick after dinners. i just feel ugly and worthless. I really dont know how to describe how i’m feeling, and i feel a bit stupid and scared if im honest about posting this.. i know for a fact my mum is worried about me. i try to hide how i’m feeling but i think it’s just making it worse..i haven’t spoken to this to anyone as i’m finding it really hard. i really just want to be happy.

im really sorry this is really long, but i would really appreciate it if you could give me a brief understanding of wheather or not i’m actually ‘depressed’

Thank you very much

A. You might be struggling with situational depression but I can’t be sure. By this I mean that you seem to be reacting to a particular situation that has understandably caused you to grieve.

I believe the primary issue may be low self-esteem. You seemed to be happy when you and your ex were dating. As you mentioned, you were “head over heels in love” with him. The relationship was going well, in your view, until he unexpectedly ended it. It was then that you began to experience depression. When he liked you, you liked yourself. When he “deleted you” from his life, you no longer felt good about yourself. The breakup made you feel as though you were “ugly and worthless.”

If you would have had a healthy level of self-esteem, you may have had a much different reaction. An individual with a healthy sense of self-esteem may have been briefly saddened about the breakup but not devastated. A healthier reaction might have been something like this: “why would I want to be with someone who so easily “deleted” me from his life? That person is not deserving of my love. I’m glad that our relationship is over.”

Please take the time to read my answer to another individual who was having a similar reaction to a breakup. I believe that this response perfectly explains the normalcy of breakups and how they are to be expected.

Self-esteem can be developed over time. If an individual feels good about themselves, then they are essentially immune to what others think of them. They believe in their abilities. They no longer have to have to rely on the opinion of others to know if they are “good enough.”

There is always a concern when someone describes themselves as being “head over heels in love.” It could mean that someone is essentially “blind” to the many possible negative attributes about their partner and their relationship. If you were blinded by love, then you might have missed important red flags. You may overlooked certain aspects of your ex-partner’s personality or behavior that should have alarmed you.

If you continue to struggle with the breakup, then my recommendation would be to consider counseling. It would also be helpful to have a psychiatric evaluation to rule out a depression diagnosis. You may benefit from psychotherapy or antidepressant medication. Both treatments may assist you in getting through this difficult time. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 Jun 2011

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2011). Depressed about Breakup. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 22, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/08/depressed-about-breakup/

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