My husband demands too much sex

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

In 2004 i had a son and when i gave birth he was too big and i ended up with a rectal vaginal fistula. It took a little over 2 years to repair and for those 2 years my husband and i were not able to intercourse. we have had a lot of problems in our marriage and sex has always been one. recently my husband is so demanding of me with sex. he wants it every day sometimes twice a day and i can’t do that. no matter what i say he just gets mad and throws a fit and i end up giving in to avoid a fight. he says that i have to make up for lost time but i tell him that is impossible. i just don’t know how to get it thourgh to him that sex is not the most important thing and that he needs to back off some and respect my feelings. but then he just gets mad and fights with me about it. he won’t go to any type of counseling with me i just don’t know what to do. i need some advice from a professional. Thanks

A: Your husband’s abusive and demeaning behavior reduces the relationship to something that revolves solely around your husband’s needs. What your husband fails to understand is that he isn’t owed anything from you. Your injury came as the result of childbirth and his thinking he was deprived is solipsistic that it may not be able to be corrected. Particularly since he won’t even consider therapy with you to manage his inappropriate (and emotionally immature) behavior.

But this doesn’t mean you are without options. I would begin individual or group therapy. Your needs have been ignored for too long, and your husband doesn’t realize that your needs are just as important as his. Since he isn’t able to adequately meet them, your work is to find a therapist who can help you find ways you can.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Jun 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). My husband demands too much sex. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 23, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/06/03/my-husband-demands-too-much-sex/