My boyfriend broke up with me

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP


Me and my boyfriend have been living together for about two years, and have been together on and off for 9 years! On a one year brake I got a boyfriend and got married but would still see my ex boyfriend! I was only married for one week and my husband deployed and I ended up back with my ex boyfriend and we got back together well I was still married. When he came back from deployment I asked for a divorce and moved in with my ex boyfriend. We’ve been together since! I’ve been on and off with him since I was 15 years old he’s seen other people through out the years and so have I. But now he doesn’t want to marry me because he said he can’t forget the past and it’s too late for us to work things out after living together for two years. It’s been a week since I moved out of his house and he still texts me he misses me and wants me. But yet doesn’t want to work things out, he keeps saying it’s too late. But still tells me he loves me so much he knows I’m the one for him and there’s no one else for him but me. But yet he says we can’t be together. He confuses me I don’t know what to do anymore.

A: Take him at his word. It is time for you to try to heal yourself, not try to make a wobbly relationship work. There are a number of unhealed features here for you that I believe warrant therapy. Your first marriage is a good example of something that should be explored and understood. The forces that brought you into a marriage, then changed your mind within a week are important to understand. The impulsive nature of the choice and decision is something worthy of understanding. You are at a point now where you don’t want to make another impulsive decision concerning your feelings. Rather than act on the relationship, I think your time would be better spent trying to understand your motivation behind it.

My strong encouragement is for you to seek therapy to understand your needs and motivations better. The find help tab at the top can help you locate someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 30 May 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). My boyfriend broke up with me. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 19, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/05/30/my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me/