Lonely Boy

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I don’t know what’s going on. I’m great in school, most people like me, and I have a family that loves me as much as I love them. But I wish I could be in a relationship with a girl. Trouble is, no girl will do that. Even girls who have been my best friends won’t date me? Am I ugly? Immature? Weird? I’m not a pervert of any kind. Every girl I ask out, they say, “I’m not ready for this kind of thing.” and then run off with some other guy. I just don’t know what to do.

“My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.”
— Bill Cosby, American comedian

A: Being a 14-year-old young man is tough, but as the famous comedian Bill Cosby notes, the same is true for the young women. I am going to give you what will sound like the lamest advice around, but it is the truest thing I know. All the things you have identified as who you are –are stellar things. You are smart and have a good family and have many friends. Just keep the focus on developing yourself. The relationship you are looking for is something that you believe will mean a great deal to you, and it should. So don’t rush it.

One way to start thinking of this is to notice how you feel around the different girls you are with. You are looking to be with the one that lets you be you, and likes that person. Keep expanding your circle of friends. Somewhere out there is a young woman who has been moping around hoping to find you.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 24 May 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). Lonely Boy. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/05/24/lonely-boy/