I have been dating this guy on and off for 3 years. we have been through a lot but I can’t trust him. he lies. I have tried over and over to leave but he comes back and I give in. I have caught him plenty of times cheating. we break up then couple days later he comes back saying he loves me wants to be with me so I give in everytime. I don’t know what to do because I do love him and I want to make it work. but when I try he tells me we have to take it day by day. I have left so many times but I can never stick to anything I say. I don’t know how to leave him alone. I want to but I don’t know how. How do I make this work or do I just let it be?
A: Why, oh why would you want to make this work? Imagine if I were to tell you that I know someone who is “in love” with a guy who cheats on her, lies to her, and has some idea that taking things “day by day” is what is going to make everything ok. I’m sure (I hope) you’d tell that young woman to stop wasting her time. She isn’t in love. She’s stuck!
Now the question is why. Is it possible that you think there’s no one else out there who can love you? Maybe being with this guy has given your self-esteem a battering. Perhaps the good times are so good that you get lulled into believing things will change. You would probably tell someone like this that there are plenty of guys out there who are loyal, loving, and caring; that she needs to work on feeling better about herself so she can go find them; and that getting a teaspoon of sugar now and then doesn’t counteract all the vinegar in this relationship. Right??? Right.
Dump this guy. Work on yourself. See a counselor if you’re feeling so down on yourself that you are willing to settle for so little. Then get out there again and find a man who will cherish you and you alone.
I wish you well.
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 May 2011
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). She can’t leave cheating BF. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 8, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/05/20/she-cant-leave-cheating-bf/