When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love

By Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

My boyfriend is great in every way, except he is not interested in any sex or affection; he does not show affection unless I go to him for a quick hug. What can this mean? We are sharing the expenses of living together, we would be hard pressed financially to live apart, so my back is up against the wall here, he says its not about the money problems, yet he doesn’t have any sexual interest in me. And I’m sure he is not gay. What do you think of this?

A: This sounds like a sad time for you, and a difficult realization to come to grips with. The first course of action is to start an honest conversation with your live-in. The goal sounds more like an opportunity to redefine the relationship and to be clear about what your disappointment is, and what your current needs are. Depending on the outcome of your discussion(s) some couples therapy might be useful. The above find help tab can help you track down one in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 8 May 2011

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2011). When a Live-in Lover Doesn’t Want the Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 17, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/05/08/when-a-live-in-lover-doesn%e2%80%99t-want-the-love/