No sex life in arranged marriage

By Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hi, I got married last december ; it was an arranged match. Before the wedding, we corresponded on phone and emails ( he was already living in US and I was in India). I moved to US with my husband post marriage. The issue i am facing there is no sex or hugs or kisses or any kind of compassion in our marriage. I tried talking to him once about it and in not so many words, he said, he doesnt finds me physically attractive.
He is really nice and polite to me, otherwise, but , lack of intimacy really depresses me. We never had a honeymoon!. Moreover, when we go out with friends, he completely ignores me. It leaves me disappointed and terribly sad.
I fight hard with myself not to be depressed and maintain my self esteem. I dont know how long I can last in such marriage.
Please advise.

A: It looks to me like the two of you had entirely different expectations for what your marriage would be like. Arranged marriages can and do work. Many are loving. Many are sexually satisfying to both. But in order for that to happen, both people have to be willing to put in the effort. You and your husband need to have a serious talk about what you both hoped for and what you expect from each other going forward. Once you have that information, you’ll both be in a better position to make decisions.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 18 Apr 2011

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2011). No sex life in arranged marriage. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 20, 2014, from http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/04/18/no-sex-life-in-arranged-marriage/